What does it mean to be strong? What is strength? Is it the ability to lift heavy things? How heavy? What things?
Strong. When meeting someone new, it happens sometimes that they will say, “you look strong”. I sometimes wonder what it means. Perhaps it’s because of my grandfather always taking me with him to work outside. Who knows. Having a desk job certainly doesn’t help nowadays.
Also, nowadays, that’s not the kind of strong I need to be, I guess.
In that sense as well, many people have told me that I’m strong. I’ve dealt with many things, they say. I’ve lived through so many things, they say. I have many experiences, they say. Sure, why not. When life throws things at you, you just deal with them, what else can you do? I guess it’s only normal.
Is that strength? Dealing with things?
And what if I’m not strong? What if I’m weak, just as everyone else? What if sometimes I need to be weak, I need to feel like I can show my insecurities and fears?
I guess that’s no good. Consistency is key, I guess. If you’re strong, you’re strong, that’s it. Showing something other than that is not OK. It’s weird, out of place, out of the ordinary. It’s bothersome. Unnatural.
So, how to deal with it?
I guess in solitude.
Sounds pessimistic, I know. Out of character? Well, guess what.
I guess sometimes it makes sense to wonder, why show our sincere feelings? It’s much simpler if we all just pretend! Everyone is happy, all is good, smiles everywhere, merry chit-chat, marvelous environment! That’s ideal, right? After all, what is there to gain from always being honest, if the only thing it ever does is to bring conflict? Is it worth it?
Perhaps the strategy “fake it ’till you make it” is not so bad, after all. Just pretend to be happy until you really become it. Stop thinking, and just stupidly and mindlessly enjoy whatever the hell life throws at you. Anything that happens is OK. Anything that doesn’t happen is also OK. No reaction, just happiness. Fake, pointless, mind-numbing happiness. Because that’s all that matters: wear a smile on your face, and don’t get in conflict.
Strength, yes. I guess I need to get stronger. Or less sensitive. Or happier. Who knows?
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